Marriage Advice

This is a picture of my parents, when my Dad was still with us. He's in Heaven now and my Mom is about to celebrate her 80th birthday. My parents were married for 62 years.

Today, marriages just aren't making it.  Why is that?  I personally believe that one of the best reasons is that people are not really "in love" when they get married. They're "in lust".  Marriage, no matter how you look at it, is hard, once the honeymoon wears off.  Then add to that: children, monthly bills, maybe loss of a job, illness, all the stresses that come with two people living together for a number of years. Most couples today just don't have what it takes to 'stick it out'.  

Why do we hear so many people say that they "just don't love" their mate anymore?  Or that they "fell out of love" with their spouse.  I believe that love is a conscious decision that one makes, not something that they 'fall into' or 'fall out of''.  Many couples today just don't take the time to even see if they are compatible before they 'fall into' bed with each other.  "Love" is a commitment and a sacrifice; wanting someone else's good above your own.  It's unselfish; totally.

My parents loved each other unselfishly; each sacrificing the things they loved for the other and for their children.  You all know what I'm talking about;  giving up "my time" and "my friends" because I'd rather be with you and do what you want to do.  Wanting that other person's happiness more than their own. Raising a family and then sacrificing the things "you" want, in order to give them to your children.

Sacrifice.  There is so little of that today.  Instead we hear men and women saying they 'just want out'.  Why is that?  A majority of the time it's because they've allowed someone (maybe at the office or over the Internet) to get a little "in-road" into their affections and interests.  They made room for that other person in their life, maybe during a moment of boredom in their marriage. Let me tell you, long-term marriages are subject to a little familiarity and boredom from time to time.  Let's face it, there are times in all of our marriages that we "just don't feel it" anymore.  

When you truly love your mate, as Christ loves us, you move ahead and keep going and pray and ask God to restore that love and affection.  We "take it and don't insist on our own way or our own rights".  That's what love is. (Of course, I'm not speaking of a physically abusive situation.)

A dead person has no "rights".  Read Romans Chapter 6.

I thank God for my parents and the love they demonstrated for all six of their children.  Did they ever quarrel or disagree?  Of course they did! Did they stay together through it all?  Yes, they did.  And I thank God for that commitment that was shown to each of us.

There is nothing that is hurting our nation more than the break-up of our homes and families.  There is nothing that hurts our children more than to see their home broken up; to have to divide their time and affection between two parents.  In order to justify their actions, parents deceive themselves into thinking that they can 'make it up' to their kids by giving them more "things". More things is not what they want!  More time with a Mother and  Father that love them UNSELFISHLY is what they want and need.  To have their home whole and secure again, is what they need.  To see two parents living out what it means to really love and sacrifice and put someone else's good above their own, is what they need and want.  Putting 'their' welfare above their own wants and desires. Another deception that parents use to justify their actions for breaking up their home is that  "the kids will be better off when we aren't fighting anymore".  There would BE no fighting if Mom and Dad would set aside their own pride and get on their knees and ask God to help them and to save their marriage. 

I know there are no pat answers for every situation and that there really are some good reasons for divorce today; but the majority of those that divorce are doing it for the wrong reasons and sacrificing their children on the altar of their own self-centered desires. It's time to take a good look at where our nation is going and ask if it's worth it.

Here is a good link to some really good advice on marriage:

 http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_fear.html

And here is an excellent link to some really good helps for the home:

 http://www.awana.org

May God save our nation and our homes!